Blog
Women who seduce and then reject men.
Women are often seen to be more dependent and invested in long term committed relationships than men, yet there are also women who repeatedly seduce men and then reject them. Some men are happy with this seduction and the short term nature of the encounter, but many...
Why does falling in love go wrong?
How does it happen that two people who fall in love and who may even decide to get married end up hating one another or feeling very disappointed in the other? How does it happen that so many marriages end in divorce? Is it just that people make the wrong choices or...
Why do some people feel inferior and others arrogant?
All humans being have at times felt arrogant (superior to others) and know how it feels to doubt yourself (feeling inferior). We all start life with a split – meaning that there is no integration in our concept of ourselves and our concept of others. During this...
Why do people hurt themselves? – Understanding self-mutilation
Have you seen the scars of a loved on who hurts herself/himself. Have you witnessed someone sitting with a razor blade cutting themselves. These acts are enormously disturbing and distressing for those who witness them or are aware of them. These acts are...
Walking on eggshells: Borderline Personality Disorder
Are you exceptionally sensitive and respond with intense anger when you feel disappointed, criticized, rejected or let down? Do you tend to feel empty and bored a lot of the time and find that your relationships are intense and unstable? Do you feel unsure of who...
Understanding suicide
There are few experiences more devastating than the suicide of a loved one. Statistics inform us that completed suicide is more common in men than in women, whereas for attempted suicide the relation is reversed. Important risk factors in suicide include social...
Understanding jealousy – reliving being replaced.
Jealousy is a normal emotion experienced by all human beings. Yet we all know that some people experience very high levels of jealousy. Jealousy differs from envy. Envy relates to what others possess. This means that you may be envious of other’s talents or...
Trauma
A person experiences trauma when you are exposed to an event or ongoing stress that is beyond your capacity to master the experience. Some experiences are so traumatic that they are experienced as traumatic by almost everyone. For all children the loss of a loved...
Self-Esteem: What did I see in my mother’s eyes?
The way we predominantly think and feel about ourselves constitutes our self-esteem. We are all aware of fluctuations in our self-esteem and obstacles that we need to overcome to maintain the sense of our value and worth. Yet, we have an underlying self-esteem that...
Romantic Love – Love, Lust and Dependence
It is so intriguing and interesting to understand why specific people are attracted to one another in romantic relationships. Many factors play a role in this. In this article I will discuss three of the most powerful forces in romantic relationships, namely love,...
What to expect when you enter psychotherapy
Have you ever considered entering psychotherapy? How do you decide on a psychologist and what can you expect? There are many schools of therapy and it is important to make an informed decision about the type of therapy you want. Not all psychologists work in the...
Pornography
As a psychologist in private practice I am aware of the agony that the chronic use of pornography can cause both the user and their partners. With the availability of Internet access on almost all phones and computers it is very easy to access pornography. The use...
Paranoia – whose feelings are they?
Paranoia is when someone experiences an external threat that is not based in reality. Such a person could in a very extreme case believe that a terrorist is out to kill them by poisoning their food, but it can also take on a much milder form like believing that your...
Obsessions and compulsions
Touching rituals (for instance having to touch the light switch three times before going to bed), counting rituals, washing compulsions (an example is having to wash your hands five times after going to the toilet), obsessive neatness, obsessive intrusive thoughts...
Mourning and failure to mourn
So many of us have been confronted by the enormous loss and pain caused by the death of a loved one. How can we continue living a meaningful life after loss? What does it mean to mourn and what interferes with healthy mourning? Patrick Casements believes that “ How...
Masochistic personalities – a love of pain, suffering and humiliation?
When we hear the word masochism, sexual masochism normally comes to mind. Some people experience sexual excitement in suffering pain or humiliation. Sexual masochism was named after the Austrian writer Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, who’s sexual excitement was dependent...
Male exhibitionism
Some men have a recurrent urge or fantasy to expose their genitals. It is interesting that the need to expose your genitals to another in order to get excited exists only in men. Women do find pleasure in showing parts of their bodies, including their genitals. ...
Encopresis
Encopresis is the repeated passage of feces into inappropriate place, eg clothing or floor, whether involuntary or intentional. In Western cultures bowel control is established by most children by their fourth birthday. Physical problems are often present and need...
Eating Disorders
It is the start of a new year and the new year’s resolutions of many people include being fit and eating healthy foods or attaining their goal weight. Yet, for many people with a problematic relationship with food this is very difficult. Obesity, bulimia and...
Understanding people who are clingy and overly dependent and others who are emotionally detached and cold.
We all know people who are excessively clingy and dependent and others who may be detached and even cold. It is interesting to note that both these styles of functioning often originate from the same problem in early childhood. It is fascinating to know that human...
Dating again – struggles that adults and children experience.
Dating again after a divorce or the death of your spouse can be difficult. Things are often complicated further if there are children involved. Jealousy and fears of not being special and loved can originate in any of the involved parties. Some people say that the...
How committed is he (or she) really?
We as humans are born longing for secure relationships. Many humans long for someone to whom they are very special and who will never leave them or prefer another person. How realistic are these expectations really and how do you know when you are wasting your time...
Break-ups: Why relationships end
Why do relationships end? So often relationships and marriages are entered with so much hope and anticipation just to end in a break-up or divorce. Many books have been written about this topic and the list of reasons are endless. In this article I will discuss the...
Bipolar dynamics
It is well known that many people experience alternating manic and depressive states. Those with very severe symptoms are called bipolar. Yet, there are many people who experience various degrees of depressive feelings; there are people who are predominantly manic;...
Early Attachment and it’s influence on adult relationship styles
We all know people who are excessively clingy and dependent and others who may be detached and even cold. It is interesting to note that both these styles of functioning often originate from the same problem in early childhood. It is fascinating to know that...
Are all antisocial people criminals and murderers?
Are people with antisocial (psychopathic) personalities only the criminals and murderers of society, or can the successful politician or businessman who consciously manipulates others and lack true empathy for them as human beings also have an essentially...
50 Shades of Grey – Sadism and Masochism
With the phenomenal interest in the trilogy and the recently released film the question can be posed what this interest tells us about sadomasochistic impulses and fantasies and what they reveal about the human psyche. What is the underlying meaning of sadism? This...
Am I emotionally healthy?
We often focus on the signs and symptoms of emotional and psychiatric problems, but what are the indicators for emotional wellbeing and psychological health? Here are some of the factors that are important for psychological health. A capacity to love, work and play:...
Signs and Symptoms of Depression
Depressive individuals are not always in a full blown clinical depression. The symptoms of a clinical depression are well known and include severe sadness or feelings of being empty, lack of energy, lack of enjoyment or pleasure, problems with appetite and sleeping,...
Narcissistic Personalities
Narcissism is a topic Freud gave frequent attention to. He borrowed the name from the Greek myth of Narcissus. Narcissus falls in love with the reflection of his beautiful face in the water. His reflection deceives him because it only shows his perfect, beautiful...